Self sabotage

Each and every single one of us has self-sabotaged. We all do it in different ways such as with our looks, relationships and everyday actions and interactions. Self-sabotaging is even as simple as saying that you look ugly, it is a mindset that is created by yourself and kills your self-worth and self-esteem. It (self-sabotaging) all comes down to your negative thoughts and behaviours. If you believe that you are allowing something to happen that brings you down, you are self-sabotaging. The first thing that you have to do is to become familiar with your self-sabotaging habits. Some common things that people sabotage themselves without realizing is they let people say things about them that they don't stop. Another big one is

comparison. People love to compare material things, looks and lifestyle with what they have and it has a significant impact on their mental health. When asked to describe what self-sabotage means to a young student teacher, Marc Reardon, he replied To me, self-sabotage has a number of different meanings, but the easiest way to break it down is into internal self-sabotage and external self-sabotage. I would describe internal self-sabotage as that little voice in your head telling you that you're not good enough, that someone else is better, and that you don't have what it takes to succeed. When you self-sabotage, you allow that voice to dominate your thoughts to the point where your negative emotions become actualized. You miss that free-throw in the basketball game because you didn't believe you could make it, or you forget what to say during your class presentation because you don't feel confident in yourself. It's important to remember that we do have control over these emotions, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes.

Why do we continuously self sabotage?

It's simple we don't have enough self-worth. If we have enough self-worth we don't care about what others think, we crave acceptance and achievement. We are all afraid of failure but that is what we have to learn to overcome. Once you have acknowledged your self sabotaging behaviour, take time to think about what prevents you from getting what you want in life. I interviewed Mr. Reardon because i wanted to have a mature yet still relevant take on self sabotage. He also played volleyball for the Ryerson Rams and will have the ability to reach students who also play sports and help them deal with their anxieties. He was asked to give an example of when he dealt with self sabotage and I think many teens will be able to relate. He said, I can think of a number of times I have dealt with self-sabotage. I remember playing volleyball at university and feeling really nervous every time I went back to serve. For about a year, I kept missing my serve because I had convinced myself that I wasn't capable of keeping it in the court. I eventually got over that mental block by training myself to feel more confident in my abilities. Even while training to become a teacher, I've let my nervousness stop me from doing my best while teaching a lesson. With time and practice, I've gotten more comfortable in this role, while still recognizing that I have a lot to learn.

What are some coping mechanisms? I am not going to go do some inspirational self talk, that doesn’t work for everyone. Having a heuristic! This works for the majority of people, it’s about setting limits and creating rules for yourself. Some advice Mr. Reardon had for teens to be conscious of the internal and external forms of self-sabotage in their lives and try to fight them. Teens are growing up in a complicated world today. Social media can be both a distraction and a source of insecurity. The economy is less stable than when their parents were entering the job market, and can lead to teenagers feeling uncertain about the future. Teenagers should know that, while they can't control everything around them, they still have the power to make choices that can have a positive impact on their lives.

Put your phone away when you study and allow yourself to have breaks to catch up on messages with friends. Try to envision what kind of future you want for yourself and set goals that will help you get to that place. Make meaningful connections with family and friends that are a source of positivity, not drama and conflict.

Lastly, it's important to remember to be kind to yourself. We all engage in self-sabotaging behaviour sometimes, and that's okay. Learning from those experiences, and growing from them, is what helps you become a more fully-realized and fulfilled person. I'm still learning everyday!